What a Year!

2014 started out fine, if not even great. I started the year with depression, which wasn´t good at all at the moment of course, but it all led to me feeling better, long term. It made me realise what was wrong and why. I also made a new friend who during the months has grown into becoming one of my best friends.

During spring and summer I rehabilitated myself through living; spending time with friends and exploring new hobbies, as well as resuming old ones. My creativity was flowing as great as in sixth grade!

Summer also had it's fair share of happiness, and during this period I not only got rid of my depression, but met my awaited israelian friend, Tal. We had a great time travelling through Sweden and exploring Trondheim together, swimming, going to museums and eating a lot of fancy cheese.

But not only has this been a good year. It has also been awfully terrible, filled with insecurity, angst, and before I got rid of my depression and medicine, I often felt like an empty, emotionless shell. Taking antidepressants, that is simply what you become. Not a single tear was shed during a period of half a year,.. yet the remaining months was filled with them.

The real trouble started in the beginning of August, just after we had moved to a stable apartment of our own. During the following months; me and my boyfriend came to realise a need to solve our problems with the help of others. The days went by and nothing was done about it. I felt like he didn't care about anything anymore. He didn't care about the future, about kids, or even eating dinner together. With him working and travelling all day we rarely saw anything of eachother and I felt more lonely with him at home, than I felt being alone for real.

When confronting him about it I was encountered by plain answers that didn't seem to mean anything to him, amongst others "Well maybe you should find another guy then, who fits your dreams better." And with that sentence a thought appeared in my head.

What if I could never find someone as good, with the same dreams, or what if I don't want to?

The following month i felt, greater than ever, a feeling of us being friends rather than each others darlings. A feeling we both had had before but previously fought off.

Days as well as nights I spent thinking, and I grew more and more sure... and on the 22nd of December was the day it was decided. Just two days before christmas we decided together that we weren't, after all, made for eachother, and walked away as good friends.

Now I'm starting the year unemployed and completely broke, with no current source of money and no right to either sick pay or unemployment benefits, no place of my own and for the moment no bright economic future either... But atleast I've got my feelings, time and friend, so I got that going for me, which is nice.

Let's just hope that 2015 will find me long lost love (Which I from day to day feel it will, and day to day don't, for a couple of reasons) and an otherwise secure future.